Going insane...

Wandering alone, living to die
Unable to breath, however I try
Shattering my heart, killing my soul
Facing the truth, how do I lie?

Searching for love, meaning of life
Losing myself in endless strife
Groping in dark, writhing in pain
(It) Pierces my heart, cuts like a knife

Cannot walk out, cannot sustain
Fighting hard, but seems all in vain
Love is real or mere mirage
Craving n parching, going insane

Love Bloom

I never realized how fast those nine months slipped away and the day arrived when Richa was admitted to hospital for delivery. What a day it was! Rains started beating very hard from the very moment she got admitted out of no where. It seemed as if heavens were no less excited than I was. In fact it was not only excitement rather a mix of anxiety, curiosity, joy & expectation.

Firstly she was induced for contractions to go for a normal delivery. It was expected that if contractions started properly, the birth would take place within few hours. We waited and waited for at least 6 hours but to no avail. Richa didn’t feel the requisite contractions. But those few hours were equally exciting none the less.

The doctor suggested to go for cesar as the BP of Richa was going up & the heart-beat graph of baby was not very favorable. We were already prepared mentally that if things didn’t go properly we would go for cesar without hesitation. However, before we realized, the nurse took my consent and shifted Richa on to stretcher to take her to the Operation Theater. It happened so fast that we were all taken by surprise. I was on my phone when Richa waved me from the stretcher telling she was going to OT. I was so shocked that I didn’t have words to comfort or support her in such crucial moment of her life. Things that were moving very comfortably a few moments back had suddenly started moving at a dizzying pace. And in seconds, before I could recover, she was gone, out of my sight and into the Operation Theater!!

I have never felt so helpless & drained as if falling into an abysmal chasm. Perspiration had drenched my shirt, heart was pounding, head was thudding and my whole body was shivering with some unknown fear. Every passing moment was a torture and the pain was excruciating. Prayers automatically started emanating from within. Moments passed like aeons. Tension reached its crescendo. And then, in came the news of birth of my Baby boy and welfare of Richa. It was such an overwhelming feeling which couldn’t be put into words.

I was dying to meet Richa & my lovely son. It took another hour or so before the nurse came out with my baby tucked in her arms. She was rushing towards the nursery and I was following her desperately to take a look at my bundle of joy. Finally she stopped at the nursery and put the baby in my lap. What a charming face it was! Calm and gentle. I saw its tiny hands, fingers & beautiful lips. It was such an exhilarating feeling to see another you. Its fingers resembled mine and its cheeks that of Richa, a perfect blend of two of us. I wanted to hold it for eternity but the nurse took it away from me to put it in the incubator leaving me parched & thirsty.

I rushed to recovery section to see Richa and tell her all about our son. But she was still in OT. After half an hour later she was shifted in recovery and I was allowed to meet her. She was semi conscious and was hardly able to speak with that oxygen mask on. But still she looked beautiful. She cried when she saw me and I just managed to hold my tears. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Anybody could see our eyes and tell how much we loved each other. We really do!

It was still raining. But now they resembled the tears of joy and strings of love that bind our lives to completeness.

Another partition..

Isn't it heartening to see the clashes between Guzzars & Meenas, the roadblocks, the huge loses of public property & unwanted deaths of so many people? And what for? To prove that they are more down trodden than the other community by dominating others in terms of brawn & violance? What a shame! But i rather like it in a way..coz it is the only way to show our politician how they have ruined our nation & divided it into so many pieces in the name of caste/tribe/region/religion..In their lust for power & vested interestes they have so much so damaged our country that we no longer believe in talent rather all we want is shortcut to success i.e. reservation..Everybody wants reservation, be it muslims, christians, lower cast, anybody..!!Isn't it good that we remove the whole general category & reserve all vacancies in terms of caste/tribe/region/religion only..?

I read a wonderful comment on this issue on rediff today, which says that if reservations are so much necessary for the upliftment, then we must do it in sports also..And specially in Cricket which is sort of a national game..There must be at least two OBCs, 2 SCs & one ST player in the team..The rest may be taken from general category..The boundary for the reserved players must be reduced so that they may field well & while batting they may hit fours & sixes in easier manner..They must also be granted a centuary for every 60 runs they score..Bowlers shouldn't be allowed to bowl at more than 60 miles/hour at them..Those who bowl more than that may be banned from bowling by BCCI..What a wonderful thought! Our sports minister must consider this..

I truly wish that every community raise their voices at this point of time and fight for reservations..After all its a democratic nation and all are free to voice for their rights..So guys, wake up & show ur strength to prove how down trodden u r..Thats the only way out left for us in this god forsaken country!!

Its show time again..

Three movies in rather quick succession..But full paisa wasool..! Firstly let me tell u that Will Smith is one of the finest actors, Hollywood has ever produced..God only knows why he lost it to Forest Whitaker despite his best ever performance in "The pursuit of happyness"..His portrayal of Chris Gardner is so complete & perfect that its beyond words to express your feelings once u watch that movie..Never before an english movie has shown so much depth in the portrayal of human emotions & spirit as this one..Its one hell of a touching & emotional movie which has rocked my mind & soul completely..Truly awesome..Anybody who even remotely likes to watch movies must watch this one..Its indeed worth it!!
Life in a..METRO is another movie which can be watched just for the sheer performances of all its actors..May be the story is full of clichés & at times turns a bit monotonous also..But it still manages to keep u glued to ur seats..Kokana Sen Sharma is one actor who can play any goddamn role to its perfection..Irfan Khan is a class act..Truly in the league of Nasiruddin Shah & Om Puri..K.K.Menon playing the role of typical MCP does it again..Brilliant is all i can say..Shiney Ahuja has a very small role but he still manages to grab ur attention..Sharman Joshi has also done pretty well in his role of a palm greaser & opportunist but a good at heart, ambitious BPO guy..Kangana Ranaut looked very cute but needs to learn more acting skills..But the most surprising element of the movie was the performance of Shilpa Shetty who looked amazing & has done a very fabulous job..Dharam Paji playing stupid cupid with Nafisa Joseph looked rather funny..However, the three singers who keep on appearing every now and then in their beggar-like-garbs definitely tickle ur funny bones in this rather serious movie.. One time watch wouldn’t be a torture!
Now comes the third one..Its different..To begin with Amitabh Bacchan is really getting younger with every passing day..His performance in Cheeni Kam is reallly refreshing..The chemistry between Tabu & Big B is wonderful..The story line is fresh & has a very new approach towards its portrayal of its characters.. It shows no frets or makes no bone about subjects like sex or the age gap between the male & female leads of the movie..The approach is practical & mature..It shows alot of sensibility & looks in line with the changing society..But i somehow didn't like the performance of Paresh Rawel..He somehow has started to look very typical & his acting seems to have lost its sheen..The child actress was however brilliant..She has done a fabulous job & really deserves all the accolades she is receiving..Overall a good movie with a difference..!

So unfortunate..!

It was all going very fine..but the deep seated insecurity & jealousy of one person brought havoc in our beautifully crafted life..The artificial, false & shallow affection and respect proved to be so strong & effective that the elders of my family couldn't see through it the truth, the real love & affection of us..It so much amazes me, how our elders with so much experience of various relationships, it’s intricacies can't understand how to develop & nourish a new relationship..Why is it so that they judge a person by the views presented to them by others when they themselves have all the opportunity to understand and judge the same person in light of his/her own action..!
Its so disappointing to see your own elders behave so childishly with so much immaturity..May be they don't realize that the kids are now grown-ups, they should be given proper space & due respect.. or may be they are just not ready to share their son with another person whom he loves so much..But my point is, if the son is able to impart the same amount of love, affection, respect & care to everybody as he used to do before marriage then why this insecurity? Does this make it any better if they keep hurting the emotions of their own beloved son & expect at the same time that he remains happy?
Why is it so that their love & affection don't reach our heart? Why does it all remain superficial & verbal only? Have we become so numb & insensitive that we can't feel it or is it something so different that we can't comprehend it?
May be the only person who is still happy with all these proceedings, is the one who out of her own insecurities & jealousy destroyed the peace & sanctity of our family? I can't understand how someone can remain happy by destroying her own family for the sake of her own vested interests..What a sickening feeling it must be but it seems some people do enjoy such things for their vicarious pleasures..
Its already a very tough time for all of us..and these misunderstandings & immature behavior by our elders make it even worse..Rather than focusing on the present imminent problem and supporting each other in these tough times, they are wasting their energy into picking faults, throwing allegations & hating their own family member..
All I wish is that good sense prevails soon or everything will be lost irrevocably!!

Duty of Election without selection!!

What an experience!! For the first time in my life, i was actually involved into the democratic process of electing our leaders..The leaders whom i sincerely detest & see them as stigma on the forehead of our Nation..It was the Assembly elections of Uttar Pradesh..!!

It had never occurred in my remotest thoughts that i would ever be put into such precarious position..The guy who didn't cast a single vote was expected to preside & judge others for their eligibility to vote for their leaders..Duty of Election without selection!!

But neways, the election commission slowly & steadily put me & some of my friends into the groove..Firstly, by imparting the forced trainings on Electronic Voting Machines & the rules n regulations of the electoral process and Later actually thrusting us with all the unavoidable & inescapable responsibilities of the elections..

We were all filled with anxieties & worries..About our safety & wellbeings..How would those 2 days pass by? What would be the arrangements of our stay? Where would we be posted? And so on and so forth..

Finally the day came when we were all herd to that common location from where all of us had to collect their posting orders, the voting machines, all sorts of forms & envelops..And also the other team members!!

It was like a big village fair..One big pandal in the middle surrounded by several small counters..At least a thousand or so many people were thronging the place..Some busy searching for their counters, some looking out for their team members..Screaming their names on one loudspeaker, carrying placards of their party number..Some trying to find their bus number, which was supposed to take them to their respective polling stations..!

I was fortunate enough that soon after I had collected the items, I found one of my team members..He was really a smart chap who located our bus and we didn’t face much trouble from thereon as far as reaching our polling station was concerned..In the bus only, I met with my other team members..

It was a real hot day and sun was shining full throttle..After nearly 3 hours wait in the oven-like bus, we were finally on our way to our destined polling station..And approximately half an hour later we were there..It was a primary school in a very unhygienic location..But fortunately, there were fans in the rooms and a few carpets as well..So after initial preparations, which took quite a lot of time & deciding onto how to conduct the polling the next day,..We all went to our comfortable beds..The carpet and the sheet over it!! But sleep was one precious thing which was strictly denied to us by the unofficial guards of the Election Commission..The Mosquito Brigade, which kept us on our toes all through night..

So after a torturous night, I woke up at 4 in the morning and was ready for business by 5 with all my men and machines..The election proceedings started at sharp 7..Thanks to the BSF personnels..it was all very peaceful, free and fare.That was indeed the best part of this event!! I would really like to appreciate the Election Commission that they put in the army personnel for this job..They are unbiased, tough & honest..And this is what fetches them so much respect & love from the nation!!

However, I was completely unaware that the worst part was yet to come..It took nearly an hour to reach the location were we were supposed to deposit all the electoral material & the confidential documents..

But gosh..what a sight!! Nearly one to two thousand people struggling, squabbling and fighting to unburden themselves with their uncalled for responsibilities as soon as possible in a college ground which actually seemed like a battle ground..A complete chaos!! A totally unsystematic, ill-managed and undisciplined system welcomed us..It took us more than two hours, few bruises on head and chest before we could deposit the machines and forms..One of my collegeue was lirerally crushed by the mob and if I was not there he would have reached hospital instead of home that night..And to top it all, the bus which was supposed to take us back, was gone..!!

I was really disappointed by the unsympathetic & callous behavior of the system, which was least bothered for the personnels who had just performed their duties so well..Isn’t it the responsibility of the Election Commission that they take care of those employees whom they had so forcibly asked to perform such duty in such arduous conditions?

I appreciate that Election Commission has done great job in making the election as free and fair as possible..But my appeal is that they must also take care of those people whom they expect to make elections happen!!

But in any case, it was one hell of an experience..!! I kind of have mixed feelings about this..Happy, may be cause I could get the insight of the actual election procedure..Disappointed, because of the unsympathetic attitude of the system towards the people who were entrusted with the election procedure!!

But no frets..Just chill!! Hope u enjoyed this real account of the election duty and its proceedings!! Cheers!

Life & time..

These days, my life is really on a very fast track..from morning till night, time seems to be flying..Responsibilities, work, and many more things are keeping me occupied all through the day..And finally when i fall on bed..its like a dead sleep..completely exhuasted, without thoughts, a big void!!
But still it's not bad..i m rather enjoying it..i m happy to be able to manage both my work and my responsibilities quite nicely..It gives me a sense of satisfaction, that i am able to do something for my family..that they trust me..that they still love me alot..I firmly believe that despite a few misconceptions, misunderstandings, they will realize sooner or later that i m still the same..that my better half is really a very nice person who cares for them..!!